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Out of the Fog: Moving From Confusion to Clarity After Narcissistic Abuse, by Dana Morningstar
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Lying. Cheating. Manipulating. Will they ever change? What will it take to get through to them? They apologized, but will this time be different...or will they just get better at hiding what they are up to? This book will help you get out of the fog of confusion and into the clarity that you are looking for. FOG is an acronym that stands for "Fear, Obligation, and Guilt." These three emotions are often at the core of manipulation, and are often how narcissists, sociopaths, and other types of emotional manipulators go about controlling their targets. However, this type of destructive manipulation isn't just limited to narcissists and sociopaths. There is no shortage of people with well-intended bad advice out there who unintentionally fall into the FOG as well, and push targets of abuse into keeping the relationship going. The FOG is one of the main reasons that people stay "stuck" in abusive relationships for so long, why they continue to get involved with abusive people, why they feel that they are the problem, and why they tend to feel that the abuse is somehow their fault. When a person is being manipulated they have a hard time figuring out who has the problem, what is normal, what is problematic, and if their wants, needs, and feelings are valid. The disasterous effects of being lost in the FOG are confusion, crazymaking, people pleasing, and an erosion of boundaries. What makes this well-intended bad advice so damaging is that, on the surface, it seems like good advice--especially if it's coming from people who seem to have our best interests in mind, such as friends, family, church members, support group members, or a therapist. Some examples of this well-intended bad advice that comes from other people is: "Who are you to judge?" "No one is perfect." "You need to forgive them." "She's your mother, you need to have a relationship with her...she's not getting any younger you know." "Commitment is forever." What can be so crazymaking for targets is that they are often getting two very different messages. On one hand, they are told that they need to work towards a solution, and on the other, they are told that need to leave a partner who lies, cheats, steals, hits, yells, or belittles them. This book compares and contrasts of these concepts so that targets of any type of manipulation and abuse can make a more empowered decision. Some of the concepts covered are: Who are You to Judge vs. Being Discerning No One is Perfect vs. Tolerating Abuse You Need to Forgive Them vs. Keeping Yourself Safe A Parent vs. A Predator Commitment vs. Codependency Self-love vs. Selfishness A Person Acting the Part vs. A Person Actually Changing Gut Instincts vs. Hypervigilance A Friend vs. Someone Being Friendly Caring vs. Caretaking Being in Love With Them vs. Being in Love With Who They Pretended to Be Workable Behavior vs. Deal Breakers Acceptance vs. Allowance Going Through So Much Together vs. Being Put Through So Much By Them Sincerity vs. Intensity Healthy Bonding vs. Trauma Bonding Insincere Remorse vs. Sincere Remorse Reacting vs. Responding ...and many more.
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Product details
Paperback: 368 pages
Publisher: Morningstar Media (January 12, 2018)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 099959351X
ISBN-13: 978-0999593516
Product Dimensions:
5 x 0.9 x 8 inches
Shipping Weight: 14.9 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.7 out of 5 stars
52 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#57,012 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I love this book. I could not put it down. I loved that it was in available in kindle form as I could read it with my Narc husband in the room and in the car and it just looked like my nose was just in another book. Meanwhile, i was validated and empowered by this book in a million ways and i found this book at the exact right time that i am planning my escape for healing and safety. At the exact right time, i will ask my teenage girls to read this book, not only to better understand their fathers behavior but to actually educate them on what is a normal relationship, to listen to their instincts, and set boundries for friends and boyfriends and be aware of manipulation-ships. I get the feeling as an abuse survivor (my father and my husband) that i've modeled what NOT to do and this will help me communicate to them the difference. To the author, Dana: Bravo and Thank you. So well done.
I'm only about 30% done with this book, but my Kindle version is already HIGHLY highlighted yellow already! I sure wish I had this book way back in high school. The book is not only relative for people who have come out of abusive relationships, but also for teenagers learning about friendships and romantic partners. I will never understand why so much time is spent in school, making us memorize historical dates and other information that we really don't need to lead an emotionally healthy life. And no time is spent teaching us about healthy and unhealthy relationships. So much behavior that I've accepted from people who I thought were my friends were actually abusive and toxic. I just had no idea! I hope with all the knowledge that Dana has downloaded into my brain (I watch her YouTube videos each week too), I will be able to teach my children what healthy relationships look like. Dana has taught me about having boundaries and relationship deal-breakers. I never ever had these in the past and this made me a prime candidate for an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship. I now realize I can keep myself safe from abusive and toxic people in the future and I have the power to keep bad people out of my life. I can walk away. It's empowering to now know what unhealthy looks like!
Great subject and presented in a thoughtful way, but the number of flat out editing oversights is dizzying! Please before publishing a second edition, have a professional proof reader go over the entire text. The message can be lost in the errors.
Dana is authentic. She helped me navigate through the FOG back in March 2017 when I finally figured out what had been done to my mind by an abusive demon. (I disagree with the author here. She calls these demons, humans. To me, they are still demons in human form.)I will always be thankful to Dana. She has my support unconditionally as she has been part of my own personal freedom from pain and abuse.
Dana explains very well about dealing with a narcissistic person and their impact on you. Best of all she inspires you with guidance to recovery.
Fantastic book from Dana Morningstar...Dana has personally guided me out of the fog, through her online videos explaining narcissistic abuse...and now with this book....you can come further out...through recognizing the behaviors alone that truly put you in the fog in the first place....Fear, Obligation, and Guilt, can not only put you in an emotional fog, but cause you to feel so 'sunk' over time, around a person that 'traps' you with these emotions....Dana is a guiding light here...leading you out of the fog, by recognizing just what the heck the fog is....
Filled with so much that you need to know if u are in abusive relationship. I love how it's designed to compare that which is so easy to confuse. For example abusive vs problemAtic, commitment vs codependent and so on .... and of course infatuation vs mineralization that got so many of us into trouble with a predator.It's a must read if u r in or just escaped an manipulative and abusive relationship.
I learned a lot about narcissist behavior and how it can be expressed in many ways, some that initially appear charming and normal.
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